IF THE SEASON ENDED TODAY 06.23.08 Around the World of Sports in 80 (or so) Sentences

Hot of the presses comes word of Nomar Garciaparra (my FAVORITE Dodger) being diagnosed with a gene problem that causes him to heal slower than a normal man. Who is this guy the ANTI-Wolverine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Healing_factor)? That has seriously got to be the worst mutant power of all time, but the funniest part of all of this is that he has been diagnosed by his PHYSICAL THERAPIST. These guys aren’t doctors! Nothing against physical therapists, but really, Nomar is more disabled than Lt. Dan (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109830/) and has spent more time on the disabled list than the Raiders have been an embarrassment, and it took them this long to find out that he has the skeletal structure composed of Faberge egg? I like Nomar as a person, as he seems like a cool guy and it must be incredibly frustrating losing so many years to injury, but man, if I was the Dodgers, I would be greatly annoyed that nobody realized until now that they had signed Samuel L. Jackson from “Unbreakable” to play baseball for them for 3 years.      

Now that the Lakers have left everyone’s thoughts for the summer and visions of Larry O’ Brien trophies dance in their heads, it’s time for some hot WNBA action! While most people’s knowledge of the WNBA peaks at repeat viewings of “Juwanna Mann (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juwanna_Mann)”, the WNBA provides plenty of action like lay-ups, more lay-ups and a dunk every 4 years! All right! WNBA wunderkind Candice Parker, dunked in a WNBA game, only the second time in history that has happened, a feat previously accomplished by her Sparks teammate Lisa Leslie. I will give Parker credit that she dunked in the middle of the game and didn’t have the luxury of her opponents creating an open pathway for her to do it. Also, I didn’t hear the audio, but I hope the announcer calling the game didn’t freak out like the Hindenburg just exploded and reformed in front of his eyes like he did when Leslie was able to “throw it down big person”. That is about the extent of what I know about the WNBA unfortunately, because Vivica A Fox is not part of the league, and there are no guys in drag to keep me amused. The last thing I will say is that the WNBA runs some pretty asinine commercials as they have their star players reciting every legitimate criticism about the league that people have, while running clips of girls just hitting lay-ups all the time. Unfortunately, the league holds themselves to blame for this scrutiny, and the fact that the league is failing because they suffered from a cardinal sin when starting up a new league: they tried to compare themselves to a more successful product, i.e. the NBA. They had them play during the NBA off-season to give basketball fans their “fix”. They had Cynthia Cooper as their marketable star, going out of their way to compare her to Michael Jordan. They ran ads stating “We Got Next”, implying that they can take on the men’s league and can run on the same floor as them. They stole the NBA Jerry West logo and added longer hair to it. They had Rebecca Lobo claim that she will be the first female basketball player. They invaded the NBA all-star game for a few years. After all of this, they were then dumfounded that most people who were fans of the NBA were utterly bored by the WNBA game, and their response was to attack people who compared them to the NBA. It went even so far as Cooper going on “Politically Incorrect” or “Real Time with Bill Mahr” constantly stating that women basketball players are on the same level as NBA ball layers. I’m not going to get into that argument, but the league shot themselves in the foot by trying to compare their players to NBA players and alleging that they were on the same level as the NBA, when CLEARLY they were not and the proof is in the product. Look at the ball they use, it is smaller and lighter than a NBA ball. Even the backers of the WNBA are inherently stating that generally women are weaker and smaller than men, because they have to have a smaller ball to toss around. I understand that it is stupid to say that, because it is biologically true that generally women are smaller than men, but according to these irritating WNBA commercials that are trying to turn legit criticisms of the league (that they are responsible for creating as stated earlier), there still is no gap. Even is even and therefore the cycle continues.

In NBA news, the big Shaqtus called out Kobe in a rap for being unable to win it without him. Everyone is blowing this Kobe thing out of proportion when the REAL issue is the fact that Shaqtus lost his honorary Colonel stance in the Phoenix sheriff’s department. OH THE HUMANI-…zzzz..zzzzz…zzzz...Seriously people, there’s way more interesting things to talk about in the world of sports, like how everyone in baseball hates Derek Jeter (http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/rumors/post/Jeter-voted-most-overrated-player-in-Sports-Illu;_ylt=Asr5Drx2j_5dZgivSxYImPOFCLcF?urn=mlb,89331).

In other baseball news, Jeter is overrated and has been a bit over the course of his career. He is older, and it’s not to say that at one time he was not a very solid player, but I rarely see what made him one of the greatest shortstops ever. He was above average at the least, but he also has been able to hit at or near the top of some of the most stacked teams in baseball history, by default giving him a lot of pitches to hit. Granted what he did with those pitches are entirely based on Jeter’s skills as a solid ball player, but I always respect what a player does on a crappier team when there isn’t anyone to protect him in the line-up. Like Carl Crawford for these past few years, or Jeff Kent in 2005, and especially Adrian Gonzalez for the Padres this year. This year he is showing his age and his glove that has never been something to write home about (he’ll make the spectacular play and then boot the next grounder his way), but the Yankee’s lore has stuck with him due to a few post season clutch at-bats (much like I talked about with Nomar in my last post). It’s not to say that Jeter is even bad, because he isn’t. Jeter is a leader, and a solid baseball player, but I would argue that the stacked teams that George Steinbrenner has provided him will work against him, and the lore of being a success story in the Bronx says more about him than if he had this same career somewhere else. If only in my eyes, Jeter is good and a bit overrated, and honestly, that is the only opinion that should count.