Ah, the Big Fella. So much fun. Such a force back in the day. When he was coming up, his raw power made guys want to be more like Shaq than Mike.
But there's a downside, a big downside, to being Shaq, all seven feet, three hundred plus of him. The biggest factor being that he's allergic to staying in shape. Shaq thirty years from now is not a pretty site, folks which is why the Big Guy deserves some of your pity, especially if he doesn't have a retirement plan.
7. Going to baseball games *I feel boxed and bunched in when I sit in a baseball stadium seat, (unless there's no one on either side of me or in front of me or behind me), and I'm barely six feet tall and a buck eighty. Imagine being Shaq's size and trying to squeeze your knees in between that six inches of leg room. Now that would bite!
6. Flying *not now in the team lear jet days, but in a worse case scenario if he were to lose most of his money and have to fly coach. That'd be brutal, S.O.N.!
5. Walking *have you seen retired NBA Big Men walk? and most of them are or were pretty skinny. Phil Jackson takes twenty minutes to get from the locker room to his courtside seat and it ain't pretty to watch. Imagine Shaq walking around in twenty, thirty years. It ain't gonna be nice.
4. Driving *if he doesn't blow his money through alimony or whatever else, he'll be all right in his specially made, oversized H2 but if he loses his moola, lookout! Imagine being Shaq's size driving around in a Honda? Torture on wheels.
3. Going Number Two - From what I've seen, toilet sizes are the same everywhere you go. Going number two at Shaquille's size, not so muy bueno. Maybe he can get Rob to make him a special seat like he did for Big.
2. Crosseyededness gets worse with age - Okay, I made that up but it seems like it would. Imagine being Shaq's size and completely crosseyed. Ooh, watchout for that tree, Shaq!
1. His Second Career - He's gonna be a cop when his hoops career is all said and done. Seven feet tall, three fifty plus and counting, limping from years of guys hanging on him, severely crosseyed, voice so deep they can't understand him on the radio when he needs backup, in a cramped up Chevy Celebrity with the radio and Drivers License checker at his right knee and he has to go to the bathroom in cramped, outdated, public service restrooms. Give the guy some love.
Something to think about. Pity for a lazy, seven foot, Future Hall of Fame, multi-multi-millionaire? Think about it. The guy's gonna have it rough. But then again, maybe it's just karma for all the millions he stole from the Lakers and Heat and most certainly, Suns for sitting out extended lengths of time with obscure injuries in his toes and abdomen.
Keywords: Heat, Lakers, Shaquille O'Neal, Suns
