In this brand-spankin’-new feature, I offer a few thoughts after taking in the game at Dodger Stadium.
- Hand dryers. After the Dodgers’ disappointing performance on the field, I wanted to wash my hands of the team once and for all. Well, maybe just once. And imagine my astonishment when the Dodger Stadium now allows me an ingenious way to dry my hands of them too! Yes, bathrooms (at least on the field level) now include a new hand-dryer thingy. But it’s much much better than the regular hand dryers, which merely blow humid air onto one’s hands. These new-fangled devices included a cavity into which one puts one’s hands, upon which they are blasted with quick jets of cool air which successfully blow the water droplets off one’s hands. Brilliant. This may have been the highlight of my trip to Dodger Stadium. No joke.
From my observations of both having been to nine different ballparks and seeing the rest on television, Dodger Stadium is one of the most aesthetically pleasing fields. However, its facilities are very middle-of-the-pack. By no means is it like the dumps at Yankee Stadium or Fenway Park, or as nice as the state-of-the-art ballparks in Philadelphia or San Diego. It’s somewhere in between. That’s why I applaud these attempts to upgrade the bathrooms. There is nothing more frightening than seeing drunken fans peeing everywhere in the bathroom, including the sinks and floor. (They were Raiders fans. I was eight. Let’s just move on.) Hopefully, someone won’t ruin this new hand-dryer by peeing in it, or worse.
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Baseball cards. Dodger Stadium had a promotion yesterday in which they gave out packs of baseball cards. Inside each was a card proclaiming “Hold on to this pack of cards. If during this game any of your players hits a home run, you win!” Aside from the fact that this Dodger offense is the worst in the National League at hitting home runs, you have to hand it to the Dodgers and Topps for ensuring that they wouldn’t be giving away free tickets any time soon. Only two of my cards were position players, and one has been injured since May. Thanks, Rafael Furcal and Russell Martin. After that, check out the “candidates” to win me free tickets: a starting pitcher (Chad Billingsley), a pitcher who hasn’t thrown a pitch this year (Jason Schmidt), a relief pitcher who never ever hits (Jonathan Broxton) and the manager (Joe Torre). It’s fitting that the Dodgers’ only run came on a home run by Delwyn Young, who probably didn’t even have a card made of him. Awesome.
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Past at-bats. One thing was noticeably different from my last visit to Dodger Stadium. I realized that I could not find a record of the hitters’ past at-bats. Usually, I like to see what players have done in the past in this game; call me crazy, but I like knowing “whoa, that player has a chance for the cycle!” (obviously not a Dodger) or “Pujols is due for hit because he’s 0-for-4 so far.” Apparently, up until very recently, these stats used to be on the scoreboard on the outfield walls in left- and right-field. Now, information such as this is impossible to find because those spots in the outfield are now being taken up by—wait for it—advertisements!
I hate ads. There’s a reason TiVo was invented, to skip through the commercials. I think I’d be okay with the ads if they were helping pay for some of the costs of the Dodgers and so help out the paying customers; instead, ticket prices have gone up over the years, so go figure. I keep waiting for some creative ad guy to place his trademark on the last supposedly sacred part of the game: “Up next, Russell Martin, brought to you by ‘The Dark Knight’ and Chevrolet!” or “A great play by the Dodgers’ infield, turning the Big 5—Motel 6—3 Musketeers double play, brought to you by Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum!”
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Contests. In the same vein, it seems that the Dodger jumbotron is intent with inundating fans with promotions and idiotic contests. The Hat Game and Guess the Attendance are not very fun. I have some suggestions. How about “Guess how much Andruw Jones is making today while on the DL” or “How much of a discount do you get for ex-Dodgers’ jersies?” Likewise, for the daily trivia question, I’m always surprised that the fan always gets the right answer. Really, everyone knows that Larry Sherry was the MVP of the 1959 World Series between the Dodgers and White Sox? I get it, Coca Cola is paying big bucks. Just stop pretending that the contestant is getting the right answer. I’d like to see someone get it wrong every once in a while.
Ultimately, I think the best contest would be “manager for a day” or, even better, “DH/PH for a day.” Teams out of contention could have a contest, maybe for money, with fans buying raffle tickets so they could manage or play in game. Royal for a day, anyone? Wanna be the third Mariner manager for the season? I’d buy a ticket, for sure. At any rate, I’d have to be a better pinch-hitter than Mark Sweeney, right?
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White Sox fans. So my last two Dodger games I’ve had to watch crowing Chicagoans. First the Cubs win a nail-biter, then the White Sox pull away to win big(ger). Enough already. They all seem to be scattered throughout the stadium, and of course there were four sitting directly in front of me. Proposal: All boisterous visiting fans should have to sit in the upper deck, behind the foul poles. (Man, I’m full of good ideas today!) Or, the Dodgers should start winning to silence these annoying fans. Or, I should start going to games against the Rockies, Pirates or Nationals.
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Cat Mobley. We saw Cuttino Mobley at the game last night, so that was cool. Unfortunately for the Cat, no one else in the section recognized him, meaning that everyone came up to us after we took pictures with us to ask “Who was that? Was he famous?” We asked Mobley about the Clippers' ideas for the seventh pick in tomorrow's NBA draft. He didn't reply, meaning (a) he didn't know, (b) didn't want to tell us, or (c) is upset that the Clippers might draft a shooting guard like Eric Gordon to compete with him. Either way, we all know the Clippers will somehow find a way to mess up this draft.
